Wow, This Is Embarrassing

Being fat is embarrassing.

There, I said it. Stigma ... gone. You're welcome, world.

That's not me on the left. Or the right.
Photo from http://riverfronttimes.com

That was easy enough. But I can't help thinking that, oh, I don't know, someone else might still feel embarrassed about being fat. I mean, there's probably more to say on the subject.

Here's the thing about being embarrassed about being fat: it keeps you from wanting to try to get fit. Who wants to be that fat guy on a bike? Or at the climbing wall? Or running at the park?

The worst? Yoga class. Seriously. There is nothing more embarrassing than fat guy yoga (I once created an entire fat guy yoga routine, but that's another post).Think about it. There really is this whole social norm that, intentional or not, works to keep fat people fat.

Jesus, fatty, are you really going to try to run? Don't you think you're a little big to be going for all that? Is there free barbecue over there?

People really do say that in their heads. Not as witty as that, but still.

Fatness As Spectacle 

For starters, fat people exercising looks ridiculous on a spectacular scale. Don't believe me? Check out Biggest Loser. This phenomena is so, um, phenomenal there's a TV show about it.

And it swings across the dramatic spectrum. There are a lot of heartfelt tears on that show. And also, there's probably a month's worth of America's Funniest Videos clips of fat people exercising. See how that works?

That's just how it is. If you're fit and always have been, and you don't agree/believe/submit to my superior logic in this instance, piss off. You're wrong. Thanks for playing.

But if you're fat and want to get fit, you've got to deal with this. No way around it. This is part of the deal.

So, here's what I'm doing, if it helps: swallow your pride (see what I did there?) and start. I think to myself I'm doing this so I don't have to feel this way anymore. Because that's really at the center of it, eh?

Also, I go to the gym super early. There are only a few people there, and I can deal with that, for the most part. I know, too, that on that individual level, no one really cares. It's only when there are a ton of fit people together doing a bunch of fit-people shit that you stick out like a big, fat thumb.

And You're Not Even Bertha-Sized

Here's the other thing: what if you're not morbidly huge?

I'm not. I'm just pretty big. And my frame even hides the whole thing exceptionally well. I'm expected to be the big guy. I post pics about eating healthy and I get a bunch of "rabbit food" comments.

Which is all well and good. Jokes are fine. Whatever.

But it brings me to my real point, which is this: being fat is so embarrassing (to everyone) that we can't be honest about what it means.

For me, this condition that I'm in, me being fat, results from some really serious problems. I'm not going to air it all out here and now, but I don't eat just because I like food. In fact, it's the exact opposite. I wish I never had to deal with food ever again. And there are a lot of people who feel the same.

I mean, there are people out there having elective-freakin'-surgery because of this.

Think of it this way: if an alcoholic really has the desire to turn his life around, he'll never take another drink. Addict, same thing. Smoker, same.

But what if you're addicted to food?  You can't never eat. You must eat. You have to eat.

So you deal with this every day. There's no way around it. It's like if the alcoholic had to drink only the booze he didn't crave. Still drinks. Every. Single. Day. It's not abstinence; it's something else entirely.

There's not a word for it.

That's what I'm thinking about right now, at the beginning of the week. You?